I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.
Galatians 1:10
If you dig beneath the surface, how much of what you do comes from a deep desire to be loved and respected? The career you chose, the clothes you wear, the opportunity that you would love to do but shy away from, all the things you say yes to that wear you out.
All because you long for love and respect.
There are people who seem to find it easy to be confrontational, to challenge, to offend people, and simply do not care what others think of them. However, for most of us, the desire to please others is deeply engrained in us.
- Our parents rewarded us for pleasing them.
- Our teachers trained them that when we do what made them happy that good things would come to us.
- Our playgrounds showed us the consequences of standing out.
But even deeper than our childhood conditioning, we were created with a fundamental need to love and to be loved.
So we spend our lives trying to earn and maintain that love and respect from others.
At the centre of people pleasing is usually pride and fear. It is always worried about our reputation and our experiences. It tells us that the best future for us is based on our social standing. It tells us that what people think of us - that is who we are and that is what matters the most.
And there is no security in that kind of thinking. Pleasing people promises love and respect but the cost can be terrible. It is exhausting.
Our brains also can not tell the difference between physical and social pain. So when a friend betrays you, it literally hurts like a stab in the back. There is a cost to walking with the crowd but there is also a cost to choosing to walk your own way. People will take shots, they will tell you to step down. Sometimes the people you respect most will be the ones who tell you to step back in line.
But you are not called to follow the will of other. You are called to boldly follow God.
Paul’s life is being directed by a different compass. He says, ‘If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.’ He is more concerned by what God is thinking than by what others are thinking of him.
His life looked unlike anyone else’s because it was not directed by the crowds but by his creator. That love that he longed for was found in God and it did not waver based on his performance or external appearance.
God’s path of purpose for your life will mean walking away from the approval of others. This doesn’t mean seeking their disapproval. That is the mistake most teenagers make when they are wrestling with this. They walk in the opposite way of society in order to detach and stand out. Following God doesn’t mean walking against the crowds or with the crowds. There may be times for both. It is simply setting your compass to the lead of the Holy Spirit.
What you think of me, that is what matters. Where you lead me, that is where I will go. What you ask of me, that is what I will do. I am not a people pleaser, I am a God fearer.
Read the whole chapter: Galatians 1
