A couple of weeks ago I took my son and niece to a waterpark to celebrate his 11th birthday. I was struck by how bold and adventurous that they both were. They loved jumping into pitch black flumes and falling through water drops into pools. They laughed and enjoyed every moment… until we got back home. My niece saw our puppy and refused to enter the house. She was irrationally terrified. It made no sense to me. Our dog is cute and in no way fearsome. She was so brave in one space and yet so powerless in the next.
We all have irrational fears. Most are harmless and don’t affect us too much. However, some if allowed to define our activity, can shape your whole ministry holding you back from places and opportunities that others will step into easily. You can be in your element in one space, walking with boldness and faith, and then feel paralysed in the next, allowing fear to minimise and restrict what God would do with you.
Here is the uncomfortable truth: God’s purpose for your life will always involve you facing your greatest fears.
As I reflect over the last few years, I realise that my Achilles heel has been the fear of rejection. It drives me mad. I am 43 years old, have been in some kind of ministry for almost 20 years and church leadership for the last 10 - why am I still so worried about what people think of me? But I am.
There is no amount of teaching or rationalising that will help me. I know that people will reject me in life and there is nothing I can do about it. I know that rejection is inevitable, you can not put a post on social media without upsetting someone. People will be for you for a season and move on; it is not always (or usually) about you at all. However, I still feel a deep pain when someone rejects me and my heart shouts at me - you are not enough, you are not loved, you are not respected. You are a poor leader. If you were better, everyone everywhere would love you. I can hear the lies in those words and yet, to me, they are compelling and terrifying. The danger is that I allow them to define my choices and action, that I shape my ministry around my fears.
Fear can never be the vision or the guiding principle of your church.
What fears fumble your ministry? Could it be the fear of failure? That you might mess up and people would see that you do not have it all together. Or that the church wouldn’t grow or be successful. Could it be the fear of success? That if you grew your church to another level then you would be busier and have harder challenges than ever. You are just not sure that you want to have that extra responsibility or pressure, so you maintain. Perhaps it is a fear of spiritual inadequacy. You keep people at a distance to maintain an illusion of excellence that is impossible to maintain.
These kind of fears prevent growth. They cause us to wait outside the opportunities and the future that God has planned for us. We can run in circles for years trying to manage our fear when I believe God wants us to see life at the other side.
The Bible says ‘do not fear’ 365 days a week. That is one for every day that you need to find some bravery.
So how do we overcome these fears? There are simple answers but they are not easy ones. This is how I have navigated these moments.
- Acknowledge the fear. Recognise that this is something that you experience and name it. Identify the root of the fear. For me, it is rooted in a deep need to be respected by others and feel successful. The lie that I believe is that my life is defined by people’s perception of me and not God’s. I deeply want to matter in the eyes of my peers.
- Count the cost. Look at what you have missed out on because of the fear. What are the opportunities that have been missed. What has been the emotional cost of this fear? Where could you be if you learnt to overcome it? Clarify the vision of what is on the other side. Write it down in your journal to help you to see why it is worthwhile.
- Take it to God. You do not need to overcome this by yourself. Ask God to help you. Remember how God has helped you before. It is hard to be grateful and remain anxious. I find that I have to actively shift my focus to God and stop myself from obsessing with myself.
- Do it anyway. In my old office I wrote in Sharpie on the wall, ‘don’t think!’ It was a reminder to move forward before I allowed my brain to catastrophise everything that could go wrong. I heard a preacher once say to change our what ifs to even ifs. Even if my fear happens, I am going to trust God and move forward anyway.
- Breathe, shake it off and go again. Some fears will evaporate, while others will return again and again. Our greatest fears are based in truth. You will be rejected. You will fail. You will be overwhelmed. You will lose. The choice is whether you will allow that experience to define you. When you feel hurt, do not allow that to carry with you. Pause, breathe, shake it off, refocus on what matters and go again.
This is what I have learned so far as I aim to become a more courageous leader.
